The Sound of Rain

It rained the last night I was in Haiti. It stormed with cracks of thunder and bolts of lightening. My driver Ernst said Haiti was crying for my departure. I think Haiti cried because it was echoing the feelings of my soul, a bit of sadness to wash away the pain to start fresh. Renewed. Clean. I woke up to a beautiful morning - I am sure God made it especially for me to showcase the beauty of Haiti to remind me one of the reasons to return :) One of the MANY reasons . . .


Leaving Haiti once again
with it's dirt under my fingernails
and the dust on my feet.
Refreshed anew, ready and armed
to fight for my second home.
Fight for assistance,
fight for awareness,
fight for people who have accepted me as one of their own.
So many eyes and smiles photographed in my mind
with open arms of love.
Au revoir ma cherie,
until we meet again . . .

Outside Your Window

What do you see outside your window today? Do you see something like this?


Or do you see something similar to this? Where people have learned to live around the buildings that are barely standing up?


Do you have constant reminders about the earthquake that changed your life forever?


Maybe you see the building that used to be your bank.


Maybe you see the place where you used to go to school.


Maybe you see your house that you can no longer live in.


Maybe you see the place where you used to get gas.


Or maybe see the landscape of a beautiful place trying to rebuild.



Whatever you see out your window today, be thankful for your view. Because for many others, the view might not be so great.

One Amazing Lady

Part of the reason for going to Haiti was to find a school or schools that needed help rebuilding after the earthquake so that our new non-profit organization formed in Montana, the Montay Community Partnership, could assist them. At the very first school I visited, I found the most amazing lady. I am absolutely certain that I was guided to this school for a reason.


Mirlene Vivens is the director of the Centre D'Etudes Classiques de Meyer School (CECM for short). The school was built in 2005 and has approximately 272 students from 1st grade to high school. It is a private school, and students pay about $150 US per year for their education. Approximately 25 of the students are orphans living in the area. Many Haitian schools will not accept students if their education level does not match that of other children their age. Ms. Vivens believes all children have a right to an education, so she doesn't turn students away. Some of her students start school for the first time at the age of 10. Currently, the oldest student is 26. During the entire conversation, she referred to them as her children. This school is a labor of love for her, as she supplements much of the school's expenses with a small income received for managing a boys orphanage in the area (which was forced upon her by the organization running the orphanage).

The school building wasn't completely destroyed, but it did have lots of structural damage. Currently, the classes are being held in tents on school grounds and in her yard at home.


Ms. Vivens is a Haitian-American who lived in the U.S. for a number of years in the Washington, D.C. area working as a professional in education. Once both of her daughters were in college, she sold everything she owned and bought a small piece of land in Jacmel, Haiti to build a house. First, she worked on a school project in town that started with 60-some students that has grown to over 600! Then, she started this school with another partner (who has since passed away) to serve another population outside Jacmel. Oh yes, did I mention she's also a recent cancer survivor?!?

In visiting Ms. Vivens, her passion for her children was evident. Her vision for Haitian education was brilliant. She is truly there to benefit the lives of others. She takes zero credit - she gives God all the credit.

Late last Thursday afternoon, I was able to return to the school for a brief minute to drop off a small backpack full of school supplies and rhythm instruments that were sent with as donations (thanks to Kim, Juliana, Mom, Dad & Music Villa!). She was so thankful and appreciative! She couldn't wait to use the instruments as props instead of just showing pictures in music class.

Ms. Vivens said that many people visit to see if they can help, but then they are never seen or heard from again. I promised her, this wouldn't be the last time she hears from me. And, trust me, it won't be.

Whew . . . what a week

it's been a good and crazy week! i can't wait to blog about all the things that have happened. unfortunately, i don't have time. will do it when i get home soon. leaving tomorrow is hard - too much to do here to walk away. it'll be a rough departure. but, i am blessed with this trip - more than i could have ever imagined. thank you, haiti.

Stand By Me

In an attempt to have a vacation during my vacation, I decided to stay at the La Villa Creole hotel in Petionville on Saturday night. It was damaged by the earthquake, but they were given clearance to keep part of the hotel open as hotel rooms are in high demand here. Their restaurant was destroyed, but other parts of the building were as well. I suppose that seeing the cracks in the walls of the hotel you are staying at is a good reminder of what has happened here. I used to check into a hotel for a night to escape - take a hot shower, have air conditioning, go swimming, and just relax and enjoy myself. Now, when you check in, you get a partial escape proving the reality for the whole country. I had AC for awhile, but in the middle of the night they shut off the generator for those units to conserve energy. I enjoyed a swim in the pool with a great view of the now non-existent restaurant and damaged building. All for $150 US per night! Not that I'm complaining, as I thoroughly enjoyed the AC for the time that I had it as well as the swim in the pool - well worth the money spent as I melt away in the sunshine here.

This weekend, I was able to enjoy some great Haitian music (love the music here!). FASIL, a kompa band, is on a hot streak, and I accompanied the band to their gigs on Saturday and Sunday. The band includes my friends David, Max, Reginald, and many others. I saw them play live last time I was here in November 2007. They were just starting then, and in less than 3 years, they've really become one of the favorite bands here. As I type this blog, I can hear FASIL's music blasting on the street. Everywhere I go, I see their name listed for a gig, hear their music playing, see them on TV, seems like everyone knows who they are and they like them! It was a blast to see them play again - these guys are like my family here as I've known a few of them for over five years now. Both gigs were packed - people everywhere, dancing, screaming, singing, the whole nine yards. It was great to see the energy and excitement in the room. They even play a great rendition of "Stand By Me" - the crowd loves it! And, of course, I couldn't help but smile since I know a few of their popular songs include lyrics written about me by David :)

And, one last highlight of the weekend was spending some time with CarryG on Saturday. CarryG is David's daughter, and I absolutely love this girl. I was the first white person she ever met at the age of 3. Now, she's 8 and growing up so fast! David and I took her out to lunch at the Hotel Oloffson. On the way there, we passed by the Presidential Palace. This was the first time she had seen it since the earthquake. I turned around to look at her in the car just as she saw it. Her eyes grew large, and her mouth dropped open. She was shocked. Who wouldn't be! That's what I looked like a few days earlier when I saw it for the first time too. She was with her tutor after school when the earthquake happened, and thankfully, nothing happened to her or her mother. She was lucky. Now, she sleeps in a tent at night with her mom because they are afraid to sleep inside the house in case it happens again. Everyone thinks it will happen again. David tells God daily to just take him if another earthquake hits; he just can't take it any more. These are the new 'norms' around here. Heartbreaking.

Another new norm - LONG lines at the bank. And, I mean LONG! My goal for the day is to get more cash. I've been on the hunt since this morning, so I'm hoping I will be able to make it happen this afternoon. Nothing like spending all day trying to complete one task only! Wish me luck!

Dancing with the children

Wow . . . the other night was amazing. I'm so lucky to have friends with the Associated Press here in Haiti, so I got to ride along with them to attend a concert performed by RAM (one of my favorite groups!) at a tent camp for displaced earthquake victims north of Port-au-Prince on Wednesday night. What an experience!

When we arrived there around 9:30 that night, people were just starting to gather in front of the stage. This camp was a mini citi - rows and rows of large white tents - out in the middle of nowhere. In the distance, you could see the sparse lights of PAP - a distant memory of the tenants previous life - a constant reminder of the place they used to live before January 12th. However, on this night that marked the 4th month since the disaster, they could put it all behind them and enjoy a celebration of music. For a few hours, they could forget reality and enjoy themselves. I wandered around the camp full of so many people and so many rows of tents. Of course, I received lots of stares. And, I also received lots of smiles. When someone started looking at me, I would smile. Then in the black night, I would see a flash of white as they smiled back. I greeted them, took photos of them as requested, and gave a few people a chance to 'practice' their english. And, most importantly, I danced.

I danced my heart out - sweating, smiling, just enjoying the moment with the crowd. A couple of young girls joined me (as well as many other kids) and danced with me. Tracy was 11, and she spoke a bit of English. She taught me a few dance moves, and then she left. After the concert, she came to see me again. I asked if her mama and papa were here, she said yes. I wanted to learn more of her story, but we had to leave. I have her photo in my camera, but for now, her face is etched in my mind. She was beautiful! Another 13 year old girl grabbed my hand after the concert and walked around with me while I waited for the AP to do their work. She held my hand until I left. I don't know what she wanted from me - just to feel okay? To ask for something? I'm really not sure, but I would have held her hand for hours if it would have made her feel better.

Everyday I am here in Haiti, I am reminded of all the things for which I am thankful. I am thankful for my life and what God has given me. I am thankful for this opportunity to experience a country after a major disaster. I am thankful to see the smiles on people's faces even when their lives are in disarray. I am thankful that other people care for Haiti the way that I do.

Just not done yet

We have electricity at the house tonight! I know, I know, it's silly to most of you to see me write something like that. But, you just don't know when you are going to have any. This is the first time in a few days, and it's like we've won the lottery. You can take a hot shower, get your cell phone fully charged, watch TV, use the computer and internet, not have to sit in the dark, the list goes on and on. Here, many people walk around with their cell phone charges in their pockets. That way, if you go someplace that has electricity, you can charge your phone. Otherwise, it's probably going to be dead and you will be out of luck until you go find electricity somewhere else besides your house. Heck, I had to do it yesterday.

I am tired tonight. I have many thoughts running through my head. If I'd started the blog before I entered the country, I could have wrote about my new anxiety of visiting a country that I have always felt comfortable in, but now wasn't sure what to expect. I would have posted the names of all the people who gave me donations (money and items) to bring to the Haitian people (THANKS AGAIN!). I would have said how excited I was to finally be coming after the earthquake, albeit a bit later than I would have preferred. I would have shared how nervous I was to see David and not know what to say to someone who lost 12 family members and everything he owned.

However, I'm here now and those feelings have changed. Now, I'm anxious about the suffering that I see. I'm anxious about feeling totally helpless as you see people living in inhumane conditions. I'm reminded about how much I love this place, and that I feel guilty for not getting here sooner. When I moved back to Montana five years ago, I made a goal to return here at least once every year. I've failed that goal, and in turn, I've failed a piece of my heart and myself. The minute I got here, I realized I had been starving myself of a need. Without Haiti, I am not the same person. Without Haiti, the United States might not be what it is today. Without Haiti, millions of people would not have a place to call home.

Haiti is a special place. I write about it because I want others to know and love Haiti as I do. Why do I find myself being drawn here while many Haitians do whatever they can to leave? Do you know that right after the earthquake, our military planes were bringing Haitians back to the states after dropping off supplies? Do you know that they didn't even have to have paperwork? They just had to say it was lost in the quake and on the plane they went. Or, if they had a 'family' member fly to the Dominican Republic and then travel to Haiti by road, they could go back to the US with the person who claimed them? And, upon entry to America, they received work visas. Personally, I loved hearing this information. For years, the US has done everything it could to keep Haitians out. Then, we took them right back in our own military planes. Take that, our Haitian immigration policy.

My wish tonight as I go to sleep after another beautiful rainy evening while listening to the crickets outside, is that people do not forget Haiti anytime soon. I have always tried to spread the stories of Haitian trials and tribulations. Unfortunately, it took a major natural disaster to get Haiti in the world news. Please, please, I beg you to keep doing what you can to help these people. Do not forget them. Do not think that they have recovered and no longer need assistance. When I return home on May 23rd, I will go back to having electricity 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I will not have to rebuild my home. I will not have to find the will to continue after losing my will to live. I am lucky, and I won't ever forget what I see and experience here during this trip. I will fondly remember the people who have shown amazing hospitality to me, people who have lost every thing or make less than $115 US dollars a month have shared their food and beverages with me fulling knowing I have the means to purchase it for myself. Rest assured, I have an amazing network of people here who care for me and watch out for me.

So much to type about, so little time.

Another (damn) hot day in Haiti . . . sweating like a crazy woman here. I don't think my hair has been dry since I got here. Okay, let's be more positive. Maybe I should have started this blog saying another great day in Haiti! The past two days have been very productive - way too productive to consider this a vacation :) Am I working or vacationing here? It's hard to tell at this point. Regardless, my father was right (yet again). Good thing I have a round trip ticket because I don't want to come home! Ahahaha!

Last night at the house, I heard more descriptions and stories about the earthquake. More Haitians died than necessary because they ran into their houses instead of out, since they didn't understand what was happening and weren't educated about natural disasters. People ran for their lives and ran kids over on their way out the door. As people ran to check on their family, they could hear the screams of people stuck under the rubble. One would like to think they would always do the right thing at the time it was needed. But, when SO many people are in need, what do you do first? Do you help at all? Do you hold your babies tight and not let go? Do you check on your family and then head out the door to help others? Would you remember to grab those around you as you are confused & running for your life? Do you move the dead bodies from the streets, or do you step over them? Really, how do you know how you would react until you are faced with the situation? I'd like to think I'd make the right choice, but it was pointed out to me last night that there's no way to know how you would handle things until your adrenalin is pumping, and you are standing in the middle of hell on earth.

However, the Haitian spirit will never fail. Sometimes I wonder if they are put to the test because they can handle it. You have to handle the situation the best you can and put one foot in front of the other. As we drive around the streets, you are constantly driving over piles of rubble and concrete that has been pushed to the side just enough to allow a car to pass while waiting to be disposed of. People shouldn't have to live like this, but they have no choice. In time, the government and organizations have promised to remove the rubble from the streets. It doesn't seem to be happening very quickly. Thankfully, they are working to recycle as much as possible.

This afternoon, I spent time at The New Victorian School. Yesterday was their first day back to school since the earthquake. Their building is gone, but just down the street USAID helped to clear out another school's collapsed building to build temporary classrooms. Thankfully, TNVS is able to hold classes there in the afternoon. There were only 6 students today in the English section as many of them left for the US. I spent time teaching them songs, playing "duck-duck-goose" and hangman, and working on math and reading. It's a different atmosphere than before, but I think it's great that they can go to school in the afternoon at least instead of staying home all day. I imagine it brings brief sense of "normalcy" to their lives. The conditions aren't ideal, but there are classrooms with a chalkboard and desks. Many of the books were recovered from the rubble. Something is better than nothing! These kids are perfect reminders of why we have to keep helping Haiti to rebuild; they deserve a chance to succeed in life. Their once bright smiling faces are now shaded with sad eyes. Some just wouldn't laugh today, no matter how hard we tried. It was heartbreaking. As they say, laughter is the best medicine! I will have to work up some new tricks before I return :)

It's a roller coaster . . .

One minute I'm up, the next minute I'm down. This morning, I had a chance to visit one of my girlfriends. She was the first girl that I became friends with that spoke English when I lived here. I always think of her as my saving grace - she helped me to feel normal by having another female to talk to about life. Now, I wish I could be her saving grace, and help her life to feel normal again. After the earthquake, I checked her facebook page daily to look for any sign of life. Was she okay? Was she in PAP when it happened? Is her daughter okay? God please let her be okay. Finally, someone posted that she was alive. Then, she finally had a chance to write to let me know she survived. Today, I saw her for the first time in 3 years.

We teared up when we saw each other through the gate. After they opened the door to let me in, we hugged for what seemed like forever. We found a place to sit, and instantly, we were talking about the earthquake.

She was in a house for bible study when it happened. She said it was a bizarre feeling, and no one understood what was going on. The building collapsed, but they were all able to get out safely. She talked about the first night. Sleeping outside on the street with thousands of other people. Being afraid to let her 6 year old daughter fall asleep in case she didn't wake up. Looking for food and water. Knowing that her house was destroyed and wondering what she was going to do for a place to live. Thankful to be alive but not understanding why this happened to Haiti. Why God? Why?

As we approach four months since the quake, it seems as people have learned how to live in the changed atmosphere. Haitians just pick up the pieces and adapt. Tents everywhere. Rubble and broken buildings alongside perfectly safe buildings. You look down this street and it looks normal, and the street next to it is a mess.

Today, Evens, Ernst and I headed north out of PAP to go to the beach. There were tent cities everywhere. On one hand, it's great that these people have a place to be protected from the elements. On the other hand, it's hard to imagine living in a tent because your house is completely gone. The devastation is widespread, and there we were heading to the beach to enjoy ourselves. You can't help but feel guilty. One minute I am laughing and smiling, and the next minute I am staring at an countryside filled with displaced Haitians. Everywhere you look, it's like roller coaster - reasons to be happy, reasons to be sad, laughing, crying, being relaxed, being anxious, one large emotional ride. I just can't imagine having my life turned upside down in minutes . . . there are no words to explain what I see with my own eyes here. Just no words.

So with that, I will say good night. My writing is just not flowing tonight in this entry. Be assured that overall, it was a good day. We made it to the beach in the late afternoon (took us over four hours to leave the city - talk about Haitian time ;) to swim, enjoy the sun, eat fresh red snapper, and watch the sunset over the water. It was beautiful! I am now safe and sound in my accommodations for the next two weeks in the mountains above PAP near Kenscoff with cool nights for comfortable sleeping.

I'm back!

I will officially welcome myself back to Haiti for the first time since November 2007! Okay, so my friends have already welcomed me back, but that's not the point. The point is that I am ecstatic to be here and am enjoying myself already!

I left Helena yesterday afternoon after begging Delta to allow my overweight luggage to be checked at no additional cost (each weighing at 59 lbs). (It worked - love Delta!) I filled the bags with donations from my Montana peeps - clothing, shoes, school supplies, toiletries, dental supplies, and cameras. I packed my backpack with my personal items, so that I could bring as much stuff as possible to distribute to those in need while I'm here. All my flights went smoothly, and I landed in Port-au-Prince around noon (central time) today. This is where this trip to Haiti is much different than anything I've experienced before.

First, I've never seen so many white people on a flight to Haiti! Yes, I know I'm white - thanks for pointing that out. But, I used to be one of the few and now I'm one of the many traveling here. The airport was damaged in the earthquake, so they made temporary arrangements to accommodate passengers. You exit the plane into a gate (instead of using the stairs and walking outside before entering the terminal), and then you have to ride a short shuttle bus to an immigration and baggage area. It was hot as hell in there! Immigration was quick, but it was pure chaos to find bags. I finally had to have someone help me, and I think my second bag was the last one off the plane.

I made it outside into the blazing hot sun (completely drenched in sweat) to a sea of people to look for my ride. All the workers outside were trying to help me. Do I need a taxi? No. Is my husband coming to pick me up? Yes. (They don't need to know I'm a single woman traveling alone in Haiti.) Do I need a taxi? Again, no. Within a few minutes, I spotted Evens in the crowd. Thank goodness! It was such a relief to see him. His buddy Ernst managed to lock the keys in the car, but within minutes they broke in the car and took care of that small situation :) Too funny!

On the ride to the house where I am staying in the mountains above PAP, I just couldn't believe my eyes. Buildings damaged everywhere - rubble everywhere - tents everywhere. I will see more tomorrow, and I will share more tomorrow.

This afternoon, I got to take a nap (I flew overnight last night, so I haven't had much sleep), eat some Haitian food, and clean myself up. But, tonight, we are going to have some fun. I am off to drink a bit of rum with friends and have a 'normal' evening. Tomorrow, I will tell you more about how people are existing and living after the earthquake.

I am happy to be back in my second home, even if it's only for a few weeks. Feels good - feels damn good.